Fridays, in the back of Mom’s car

Driving west on Foothill Boulevard

Scanning beer-bar parking lots for the truck.

Knew we’d find him, get his check, get some milk.

Plenty.

~

I had an attitude of plenty.

Sundays,  feeling trapped at home

The weekend’s case or two

Propelling his temper along with drunkenness.

Prayed he’d soon pass out, we’d have peace…peace and quiet.

Plenty.

~

I had an attitude of plenty.

Those school-girl years

Exhaustion threatening to overtake

Perpetually in classes and clubs and commitments

Focused on my exit, my survival, my happiness, my strategy.

Plenty

~

I had an attitude of plenty.

College days, weeks, months

Clerking, schooling, twice full time

Wedging  five-year’s work into 3 1/2.

Growing faith and confidence and a future.

Plenty.

~

I had an attitude of plenty.

The early career years, teaching

Foregoing other glory and gain

For acceptance, patience, tolerance – mine.

Learning, in preparation for familial happiness.

Plenty.

~

I had an attitude of plenty.

Built a family of my own

Marrying he who loved me from 17

Creating home and children – 1, 2, 3.

Formulating that which I’d conjured long ago.

Plenty

~

I had an attitude of plenty.

Knew I deserved it.

Focused on it. Got it.

Got it all, and then some.

Future, Family, Happiness, Love.

Plenty.

~

Although sometimes

Gone back to childhood.

Memories and moments

Now dance together,

Creating new realities

For her,

For us.

I am you  – and you are me – and we are she -

Connected by love,

Shared experience

And synaptic inaccuracies.

As she shrinks,

The enormity of her influence

Is more apparent.

But then,

I think we always knew

We were in the presence

Of greatness.

Look here.

You’ll see it.

Epitome.

Female, feminine, defined, real.

Confident.

Strong.

Vibrant.

Brave.

All this,

And only at middle age.

Damn!

Watch.

Watch out.

That simple?

That easy?

Three little words.

And then no more?

IF

It is done,

What was it in the first place?

And where do we go from here?

You? Me? Alpha? Omega?

Done?

Revelations.

She wrote poetry

Exclusively

for

The One.

Her turns of phrase and praise homed in.

After proper humility and gratitude,

She explained her needs

Before invoking strength, absolution, guidance or solution.

She wrote poetry.

For God.

To God.

With Him,

She was most intimate.

Of your focused energy?

Will it bring joy, peace, love?

Serenity?

Will it improve the life of a child?

Enlighten the beguiled?

Soothe the wild?

Will it offer civility or increase good will?

If not,

Why

Are you

So

Focused?

Jangled.

Rankled.

Out of  sync.

Out of sorts.

Viewing the world

Through lenses of distortion;

Feeling feelings

One cannot explain.

Questioning thoughts, relationships, motives, decisions.

Is this what it’s like to be insane?

How to re-contain?

Maintain?

Stop the pain?

Again?

***

Dollar bills in a large manila envelope

Marked ‘Entertainment’

Added up to a dinner out.

***

Coupons clipped

Met the grocery budget.

***

Dented, dinged or damaged.

They worked.

We could afford them.

***

Fifteen bucks a week

Paid for lunch, gas & incidentals.

***

Saving for Christmas

$10 at a time.

***

Date Night = Dairy Queen.

***

We created a team,

Relied on one another.

What a wonderful way to start out.

No.

The passion born at 17 & 18 continues still.

It is different.

More tolerant, patient, less emergent.

The heart’s swell prompted by conversation,

Attitude,

And angle,

As much as bodily beauty and the scent of cologne mixed with yours.

Memories and fulfilled expectations create an ambiance

Of romance, companionship, fun.

We’ve aged together,

Created a partnership ebbing and flowing and moving with the current

Rage or fad or challenge.

Always,

Love’s longevity keeps us afloat.

Basic parts of a whole,

bundled together

through biology, legality, or fate.

Electrical charges that attract and repel,

each occasionally losing a piece of themselves.

And those emitted particles change

the dynamics,

the energy,

the exchange.

Engaged in a quantum-physics dance,

Mothers and Daughters

embrace, repel

complement, contradict

nurture, antagonize

support, oppose

ADORE.

Electrically charged, this relationship.

Always reconnecting, the fortunate ones.

Radiating LOVE.

Mothers

And

Daughters.

Precious, blessed science.